Hugs are good. Hugs are important and can boost your emotional and physical health. However, there’s an etiquette to hugging that varies by country, region, religion, gender, family, and any number of other issues. If you break that etiquette, people get creeped out. Sometimes they file reports.
In many European countries, both men and women greet each other with a hug and/or kiss, sometimes multiple kisses on each cheek. In Brazil, people are very affectionate and often hug people upon meeting them for the first time. On the other hand, in Islam, physical contact between members of the opposite sex in public, even just a handshake, is generally frowned upon, particularly in more traditional sects. Even married couples aren’t supposed to show physical affection in public.
In America, I think we’re somewhere in the middle. Men tend to shake hands with other men, but some male friends or family members do hug briefly IF they make it more manly with a few solid pounds on the back. However, athletes in uniform follow a completely different set of rules that allows butt-slapping at any time and long, full-body, jumping-up-and-down hugs in the event of a big win. Female friends are more likely to hug than shake hands, although new acquaintances follow the male protocol of handshaking.
Thanks to the sexual harassment videos we have to watch at work, male-female interactions in America are trickier, which has produced odd hug derivations such as the side hug (one arm around the other person, only sides touch) and the A-frame (start facing each other but standing apart, then lean toward each other to touch only at the shoulders).
Individual preference also plays a large role in mixed-gender greetings. Some people of each gender are huggers by nature and likely to initiate a hug. Others are anti-huggers and only begrudgingly hug when the other person initiates it. In a greeting involving mixed-gender friends, many men let the woman take the lead to avoid an awkward faux-pas. Finally, mixed-gender work situations are more handshake-oriented in most organizations. Southwest, with its family-oriented culture, is a possible exception. My department isn’t very huggy, but the People department is very huggy. I even hugged Jenny’s coworkers, including her boss.
Are you a hugger or an anti-hugger? Vote in the new poll on the right. There are plenty of both around. My cousin Brad is a big-time hugger with guys and girls. Girls get a normal, full-body hug, while guys get the handshake that pulls you into a single-arm hug with a pat on the back. My friend Mad Bomber, on the other hand, is an anti-hugger. If I tried to hug him, he’d probably shoot me. Either approach is fine, just a personal preference.
I think I’m a closet hugger. I enjoy hugging people, guys and girls, and think everyone could use more hugs. However, I try to be sensitive to other people’s personal space issues and the other weirdness that can surround hugging, so I follow the other person’s lead. Bottom line: if you need a hug, come find me.
Here are a few other helpful articles on the subject:
A Guide to Hugging
Hug Etiquette Basics
