Early Poetry

Window (in the dark)

Questions pondered in the night
Wonder if I have the right
Why the new one makes me smile
Today I talked to her awhile
I love the one I’ve loved so long
But some love starves, the pull so strong
I try to flee the new and different life
with one I should not have
Sometimes I’d like to end the love
And wonder why it goes so long
What do I want, as life sails by?
And still I ask, “Is love lost wrong?”
Do feelings change? Has this love died?
Love flies off to the mountainside
Is it real, a dream, a lie?

Beyond the window dark lies a girl
I should not have
A test, or a curve in the journey of love.

The Mask

i started acting long before the others knew i could,
but now the lights of my stage have faded, for i have moved on
and there is no more glory now,
in this time when there is a need.
i walk out to the sidewalk where i stand and wait alone
cars drive past, i smile and wave
their return is my one reward
clouds drift over my head
winds rustle the leaves behind my lonely heart
and no one knows but me
how rare, how strange the days my heart grows lonely.
upon an ordinary day my heart flies light and free
my smiles are real, my greetings true
my humble world lies bathing in the warm love of the Lord
and i wear no mask.
i think back to days gone by, to days in which
my sun would never fall
where friends and children danced around me
and i didnít always have to be the friendly one,
for people came to walk with me
and talk with me
and my fears could almost get away
and on those days, i wore no mask
for my face was smiling on its own.
but now those days have passed away
my glory gathers dust that glows in the sun
as it falls upon my troubled feet
those that danced with me are in their own worlds
those that walked with me i do not see
and this is how it always is in summer
except this one is the last one of its kind
for once i go away i canít come home again
soon my world will grow and leave them all behind.
iíll keep on walking till i reach a new place i have barely seen
where no one knows my name
and no one dances when i speak
or cares about the trophies on the wall
for theyíll mean nothing anymore.
iíll carry nothing but my memories
my dreams
and my mask
because iíll need it
just in case
i remain alone
part of me begs for the pity of the world
that would come if i removed my mask
and showed them this odd emptiness
that lurks so seldom, but too often
in the softness of my soul
but i wonít burden them with my world
i will show them the deepest corner of my heart
the one whose smiles never fade
the one whose love never dies
for that, through all the pain, the masks, the joy, the struggle,
the agony, the glory, the sorrow, the confusion, the love,
that is who i really am

so maybe iím not really acting after all.

Forest

explain the silhouettes to me
i’m crying in the moonlight
lost
in the middle of the forest where no one knows a thing
the moon above makes shadows with the trees
and i am lost
the shadows dance and taunt me
tempt me with their bed that i may sleep again
i have but one companion–i wanted her to stay
she can help
through the catching-thorns
when i am lost
so many paths the others took still lie
beaten with confident wanderer feet
where do You want me to go?
i wait for Thy command
as i am lost
in the forest of shadows
and nowhere places
and silence.

The Neighbors Think I’m Crazy

The neighbors think I’m crazy
I skip naked through the streets
They look at me funny when
I plant my yard with wheats.

I like to play the reggae
And dance atop my roof
They come and throw their rocks at me
“Get down from there! You’re such a goof!”

I sing and laugh and sleep outside
Within a tent made out of foam
Kids pelter me with BB’s
And they throw eggs at my home.

They painted “retard” on my door
And then they ran away
I get out my trusty bubbles
Maybe soon they’ll come and play.

I read inside my swimming pool
That’s filled only with air
But they pour gasoline inside
And light it once I’m there.

I’m going to move away to where
The people think I’m sane
The doctors there will help me
And my neighbors will remain.

Arizona

Your life was but an instant
Even when compared with mine
You wandered lost, alone, and now
You’re buried in the sands of time.
Your desert is so far away
But still I heard you when you cried
Every day I felt the pain
And life’s too short to say goodbye.
So once you left, you flew away
To finally rest in peace?
I pray that you, my friend, can hear
The silence in the streets.
Was this what you wanted?
Was it just a quick escape?
You sold your body to the ground
In an eternal rape
No matter what, God loves you still,
I hope you’re safe at home,
And if not, I’m still your friend
You’ll never be alone.

Silhouette

I lead my feet down the middle of the road
In a small town with dirt for concrete
Just passing through, hoping for refuge
A place to rest.
My feet cry out in agony
So I stomp them on the ground
and dust flies.
The townspeople watch through the local windows
Scratching their heads, puzzled
They grip their guns,
Anxious
No refuge in this town, I see…
I leave and block out part of their sun along the way
With my mangy-looking body
A shrinking black shape on the horizon
They don’t know me, and yet they judge?
They don’t know why I came
The outline is what they remember…
the shadows…
the darkness.

The silhouette is all they see
An outline of what I must be
But who I am they’ll never know
For once I came, I had to go.

Suspicion

High tide in the grass
I think I’ll take a walk
Dodge the limbs around me
Trip upon the curb
Whenever I go out
A man, he walks behind
I try to be alone
But someone follows me.
He stays a way away
But sees my every step
He knows I’m gonna die
Perhaps he’s gonna help
I’ll bet he has a gun
He’ll stick me in the back
Go put on shiny clothes
Can’t see you in the dark
Somehow I hear his breathing
He could be close at hand
I turn to look behind me
No one to be found.

Beg For More

Passion green and flowing colors
Breathing silent in the wind
Blowing, feeling, sighing, kneeling
Ripped apart by love again.
Beyond the realm of sight
Beyond the realm of reason
Beyond the outward calm we see,
His heart is in her hands
and hanging from her teeth.
His heart was all she had
And all she had been given.
So soon the lover, quick to starve,
Ate of his heart, and killed the man
Who just before had shown her love.
So, so quick to die
The bitterness of man who’s lost his soul,
Gave up too much to one he couldn’t trust
Gave up his heart to one who would devour
And beg for more.

Oceans

Tonight he looked at you with hunger in his eyes
Sometimes love is like a bottle on the beach
A blessing from a distant brilliant world,
Picked up one day and swept away once more
By the coming of the winds
and the sea
I wait beside the shore and wonder
how long you’re going to love me,
How much more time we have until the day
You wave goodbye and float away upon the water
of another man’s dream
I can’t believe you love me…
Oh, what I’d give for you to stay with me until I die
But you’re not mine; you’re free to leave
If your tender heart so desires.
I’d rather see you happy with another
than miserable with me
I reach out afraid–
The ocean goes on forever and sleeps beneath the sun.

I can’t believe you love me.

Share Our Lives

conversation when alone
so worthless in my head
talk to my blue screen
can’t hear a word I said
how much I miss the times
when we would talk all night
I guess you just got bored
so lonesome in my plight
can’t change the way I am
but do you want me to?
we used to share our lives
I’m lonely without you
why won’t you talk to me?
I’m dull, but I’m still here
with so few words to say
I need a listening ear
someone who understands
someone who seems to care
so much I’d like to know and tell
I call, but you aren’t there
you always have to go
so slighted then I feel
please let us talk sometimes
my love for you is real
preserve my soul in rhyme
that’s all I’ve left to do
releasing how I feel
I scribble, “I love you.”

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