Then life happened. Jenny was very busy with school and battled illness and a foot problem. My left knee decided to quit working properly (update coming later this week). So neither of us got to train for anything close to 100k. Instead, we punted and did the 10-mile course instead. Our goal was simple: to enjoy the ride.

Sunrise at the Racetrack

We parked in the gigantic infield of the racetrack, a place I’d never been before, picked up our packets, and hopped on our bikes.

Time to Roll

Check out my new Southwest jersey.

On the Track

The reason we chose Cross Timbers is the exclusive starting lap on the TMS racetrack for all distances. I’m not a big racing fan, but it was still extremely cool to ride around the track and see how big it is and how steep the banks are. I would guess the banks are 30-40 degrees, perfect for a race car doing 200mph, but a bit unnerving for a cyclist doing 10-20mph. We worried about our bikes slipping out from under us, but we managed to stay upright during our lap.

This is one of the straightaways, soon after coming out of a turn, so there’s still a bit of bank. Look in the distance for the next turn.

Somehow the 10-mile course only registered as 8.5 on my cycling app. Maybe we’re just really efficient. After the lap on the track, we rode two loops around the outside of the track and then finished on the infield. It was a nice ride, albeit a short one. We fought a healthy south wind for part of each loop, but the temperature wasn’t bad since we started around 7:45am.

Rally Review

Cross Timbers had a different feel from the other two cycling events we’ve done, the granddaddy-of-bike-rallies Hotter’N Hell in Wichita Falls and the excellent Goatneck in Cleburne. This one was noticeably smaller, had less support, was less organized, and generally had less energy and enthusiasm than the other two. Hardly anyone was riding our distance, so we felt pretty lonely out there and weren’t always positive we were going the right way. The start was a bit confusing, largely because they didn’t stick to the start times exactly and the announcer was hard to hear. We just started riding with one wave and hoped it was the right one. They were setting up the finish line as we approached, and we actually rode past it because we weren’t sure what it was. At the finish line (once we turned around!), we were greeted by a mother and daughter who were passing out medals and a couple of other riders who had already finished. That’s it. No music, no big party, no crowd of tired but happy cyclists milling about. Perhaps we got spoiled by starting with two of the best bike rallies around, but this one just felt odd, more like a big organized ride than a major event. Riding on the track was fun, and I’m glad we did Cross Timbers, but we probably won’t do it again.

Post-Race Recovery

Since we still had some time between the end of the rally and picking up the boys from my parents’ house, we stopped at Lowe’s and Hobby Lobby and hit Donut Land to re-carb. You know how I love irony.

The final straw came when Brenden rushed into the kitchen, a panicked look on his face, to tell me the toilet was overflowing. I praised him for telling us so quickly, cleaned up the mess, and decided it was time to complete a project I’d wanted to do ever since we moved in four years ago: replacing our original 1983 toilets with modern ones.

The old ones were pretty, um, crappy. They didn’t flush all that well and occasionally stopped up or even overflowed, as Brenden learned the hard way. I’m still surprised that the boys hadn’t plugged one up by trying to flush something weird like a Hot Wheels car or action figure.

The other problem was high water use. These used 3.5 gallons per flush, the standard in the mid-80s, whereas modern toilets flush just as well or better with as little as 1.28 gallons. With our ongoing water shortage in Texas likely to get worse in the future, I didn’t feel very responsible keeping these water-guzzlers in service. With all four of us now using the toilet several times a day (thanks, Jonathan!), replacing all three toilets would save 10,000-20,000 gallons of water per year. That’s equivalent to a backyard swimming pool.

I already had my toilet picked out: the Penguin high-efficiency at Lowe’s. I liked the Penguin because it combined great flush performance with a unique feature: overflow protection. Look back in the picture at the top of this post. See the three holes in the back of the bowl? They keep the toilet from overflowing, just like the weird hole in your bathroom sink. And if those holes get plugged up somehow, hidden backup holes can handle it. I still haven’t figure out why no one tried this a long time ago.

There are some other eco-friendly toilets like this Kohler model that offer dual-mode flushing, meaning more water for solids and less water for liquids. It’s a neat idea, but with two boys in the house who might decide to experiment with flushing Batman or Lightning McQueen, I thought the overflow protection was more important.

I wasn’t impressed with the subcontracted installer (Dr. Plumber, who did good work yesterday but showed up 2 hours late and wasn’t good about communicating), but so far I love the new toilets. They are quiet, attractive, flush and refill within maybe 15 seconds versus 45-60 for the old ones, and seem to do a great job. I haven’t gotten to test them too, um, extensively, but based on the reviews I’ve read, the Penguins can handle pretty much anything you throw at them.

Over the weekend, to celebrate the end of the spring semester (sure, it was actually before Jenny’s finals, but who’s counting?), we flew the boys down to South Padre Island for a couple of days on the beach. Here are some of the highlights:

New Love Field Terminal

As I’d hoped, our flights used the beautiful new terminal at Love Field. It is truly a great improvement over the old terminal – much brighter, more open and spacious, and many more choices for dining and shopping. Once most of the Wright restrictions disappear in October 2014, Love will become busier and more important for connections, and I really think travelers will enjoy the new facility.

Civic

Although Brenden wanted to get the orange and black Dodge Challenger, we rented a Honda Civic instead. (Sorry, buddy) As expected, it was a great car. It drove well, handled our two huge suitcases, provided a comfortable ride, and got great mileage, probably 30-40 mpg. My favorite feature was its real-time MPG indicator that gave me instant feedback on how much fuel I was burning. If all vehicles had that feature, I think most many of us would drive more efficiently.

Black Dragon Pirate Cruise

On Saturday, which coincidentally turned out to be Pirate Day, we took the Black Dragon Pirate Cruise from Port Isabel. It’s a 75-foot replica pirate ship complete with a crew of pirates who put on a show as they sail guests around the bay. The boys enjoyed it, especially Brenden, who had a nice sword fight with the first mate and won a pirate water pistol in the end-of-cruise dance contest. Much of the pirate banter went over their heads, and Jonathan got restless from time to time, but we thought it was fun. The water gun fight and sword fighting lessons were probably their favorite part.

Sea Turtle, Inc.

Sea Turtle, Inc. is a small rescue and rehab organization based on South Padre Island. We toured the site and saw numerous sea turtles ranging from youngsters smaller than a salad plate to five-foot, 180 lb. beasts. All of the permanent residents have been injured or deformed somehow and are unfit to live in the wild, but the organization also works to nurse injured turtles back to health and then release them.

Beach Time

We went to the beach a total of three times during our brief stay. Our hotel had some noisy guests and other issues, but it was cheap and within walking distance of the beach. The early-season cold water limited our time in the ocean, especially for “I’m ccooooowd!!” Jonathan. So they spent more time playing on the beach, running buckets of water from the ocean to the sand, digging holes, making sand angels, and burying their feet. We stayed off the beach when the sun was high and used rash guards and plenty of sunscreen, so the boys escaped without getting burned.

Zoo

Before flying home, we stopped at Gladys Porter Zoo in Brownsville. Despite Brownsville’s small population, its zoo offered a surprising selection of animals, including a Komodo dragon, at least ten giraffes, a rhino, a bald eagle, numerous snakes and lizards, a pygmy hippo, tigers, several primates, and free-roaming peacocks. The boys’ favorite part was probably the playground, which gave them the chance to burn off some energy and run around freely. They get frustrated on our vacations because we have to manage their activities so closely in many locations (don’t jump in with the endangered sea turtles, don’t jump off the pirate ship, don’t ride on the baggage carousel, etc.). They love being able to do as they please for a bit.

We had our share of challenges, including a highly inconvenient poop accident, hotel guests who chatted loudly outside their room for hours every night, a mattress that creaked like the sinking Titanic any time we moved, random meltdowns over silly things, bedtime drama, and the typical battles that occur any time we take them to a sit-down restaurant. But the boys had a blast overall, and we loved seeing them have such a good time. We have no current plans for our next trip. We might try something quick late this summer, but Jenny will be very busy with school this fall, so we’ll have to see what her schedule is like.

Here is our photo album from the trip: South Padre Island May 2013 Photos

First Taste of Caribbean Dispatching

In the lower right, you can see the first first I’ve ever gotten to flight follow to a destination outside the continental US, SWA 742 from Orlando to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Honestly, someone else had planned it and followed it most of the way. I took over maybe 10 minutes before it landed. But that still counts, right? I got to plan my first two SJU flights Monday morning. Since Puerto Rico is a US territory, flights to and from there aren’t much different from an operational perspective. We just try not to divert to Cuba.

Uncle Charlie

The saddest part of the week came toward the end. After a long and debilitating battle with Alzheimer’s, my great uncle Charlie passed away on Thursday morning. Nearly all his family and many friends got to gather on Saturday in Wichita Falls to say goodbye and celebrate his life. Although we are certainly sad that he’s no longer with us and will miss him, it’s a relief when long-term suffering ends for someone you love. He was a good man. Several family members shared moving stories about him that gave me a clearer picture of his high character, sense of responsibility, and devotion to his family. Rest in peace, Uncle Charlie.

NBA Player Jason Collins Comes Out

This article from USA Today has more details, but this week Washington Wizards center Jason Collins became the first openly gay player in any of the big four American sports. Other pro athletes have been out for many years, such as tennis stars Martina Navratilova and Billie Jean King and sprinter Carl Lewis. Perhaps competing in individual sports rather than team sports made coming out easier. Until now, gay NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL players have always stayed in the closet. But it was only a matter of time, as statistically about 3 percent of people are gay or lesbian. Overall, the public response to Collins’ admission from other players has been very supportive and positive, which is very encouraging. Bravo to Collins for having the courage to take a huge risk and go first by being honest about who he is. Others will follow. You can count on it.

South Padre, Baby!

Soon we plan to take the boys to South Padre Island for a couple of days. In addition to lots of beach time, we also want to visit a rescue facility called Sea Turtle, Inc., take the boys sailing on a replica pirate ship complete with a pirate show, and enjoy some tasty seafood.

Helping West

I decided not to attend the West memorial at Baylor to counter-protest Westboro. My firefighter friend Jeremy did, though, and said it was very moving and well-done. I made a donation to the Salvation Army’s West fund, which is probably more useful than picking a fight with ignorant hatemongers, anyway. My sister and her husband went down and volunteered in West on Sunday, bringing an amazing number of cookies to the displaced residents and helping with the food efforts in person. They were nice enough to bring me some kolaches from Czech Stop, which helps West and me both.

The Mirror

When we moved into our house four years ago, two of the bedrooms had those 80s-style mirrored closet doors that slide open. Sometime in 2011, Brenden broke one of the mirrors on his closet door by either kicking it or rolling hard into it. Concerned that he might get cut by the glass, I completely removed and threw away the entire door assembly, leaving his closet open.

Jonathan’s room had the other set of mirrored closet doors, which we kept closed with a safety strap to keep him from tossing his clothes all over the room. Last week, Jonathan got bored one morning and decided he wanted to hide from us before we came to get him up. So he grabbed one side of the door and started pulling. Soon the brass edge piece came off, leaving the edge of the mirror exposed. Then he kept pulling, trying to open the sliding door outward like a regular swinging door. The mirror didn’t like that and shattered into several pieces held together only by the mirror backing. I still don’t see how he managed to do it without carving up his hands or stepping on glass shards. I donned the appropriate safety gear, removed the entire door assembly, and threw it away. So now neither boy has a closet door. We’ll replace them eventually…once they understand that destroying their house is generally a bad idea.

The Dog

I took the boys to the park to get some exercise. Soon after I sat down, a large, hyperactive dog ran up and jumped on me, dragging a leash behind it and chased by a little girl that probably weighed as much as the dog and obviously couldn’t control it. I shoved it away and looked around for the girl’s mother without success. Finally she showed up, and they all walked over to a nearby creekbed. I was already on edge but so far was resisting the temptation to go off on her. My boys were intrigued and watched the dog intently. Soon the dog bounded over to Brenden and started licking his face excitedly. As I hurried over to break them up, the mom tried to act friendly and gave me the typical line from such pet owners, “Oh, he’s fine, he won’t hurt anybody.”

No. You. Did. N’t.

I was nicer than I could have been and wanted to be, but I made it clear that I didn’t share her opinion and that she needed to keep her dog away from my children. She didn’t say anything but did finally grab the leash and lead the dog away.

Many pet people seem to make three bad assumptions:

• Everyone else is an animal person, so surely everyone else loves their pets and won’t mind if those pets run around and get in everyone’s business.
• Because their pets have never attacked anyone, they never will attack anyone.
• Because they aren’t allergic to their pets, other people aren’t allergic to their pets, either.

Fortunately, even though Brenden is allergic to dogs, he suffered no ill effects from this incident. I didn’t shoot the dog or call the cops. I didn’t cuss out a stranger in front of my children. However, I did stand up for them. I hope that in the process, I gave the mom some things to think about.

Note to all pet owners: If your critter is threatening his kids, Papa Bear doesn’t give a bag of dog doo about your feelings or your pet.

The Battle

My children are stubborn just like me. They have no lack of self-esteem, don’t really get their feelings hurt even when they are in trouble, and tend to think their desires are the most important consideration for any given situation. For reasons I’m still unraveling, I want them to follow my directions exactly, much like a computer program or robot, and quickly get frustrated when (surprise!!) they don’t. Being far from a child care expert, my default response is to take a my-way-or-the-highway approach in which I quit listening to what they’re saying and browbeat them until they either comply or end up in time out.

That’s stupid. It’s based on the bad belief that their highest calling in life is to obey me. Please. Yes, they need to obey us, but they don’t need to be robots, either. The backbones that drive us crazy while they are kids will help them stand up for what’s right in the face of opposition when they are older.

So I’m trying to figure out a middle ground where they do what I ask by choice rather than by force. That means doing a better job of listening to them and understanding what they want rather than being too busy to consider their opinion. That means choosing my battles. That means fewer orders and more options, perhaps by setting a goal for them but letting them decide how to reach it instead of dictating exactly how I want it done.

Like everything in parenting, it’s a work in progress. Patience is not my strength, but I hope that changing my approach a bit will help it grow.

1. WE HAVE SARAH MCLACHLAN TICKETS FOR TONIGHT. I think I can safely say she is my favorite musician. (See, Alex? I can do it!) Ten of her albums sit in my iPhone. Jenny and I saw her once several years ago, and it was truly a spiritual experience, like we were connecting to something Other and Beautiful and The Way Things Could Be. That time we were way up high at AAC. Tonight, I think we’re near the front at the Meyerson. Breathe, Box, breathe.
2. Like many of you, I was horrified by the fertilizer plant explosion in West, which was so powerful that two coworkers heard it from their houses in Cedar Hill. I bought kolaches from The Czech Stop several times, and I passed through the little town dozens of times driving to and from Baylor. Jenny bought her wedding dress from a little shop there. On top of our personal experiences there, most of the dead were firefighters who were fighting the initial fire when the plant exploded, and one of my best friends growing up now works as a firefighter in Axle. If he’d been on duty in the area when the fire broke out, he probably wouldn’t be here today.
3. Apparently our friends at Westboro Baptist Church plan to protest some of the firefighters’ funerals and a big memorial service at Baylor this week. When they tried that for a funeral of a former Aggie who was killed in combat, about 600 Aggies showed up and built a human wall to keep them away. A group near West is organizing something similar, and I might go join them for the Baylor memorial. They want it to be a silent, arm-in-arm stand to protect the families rather than a shouting match. That seems like a better approach to me.
4. Congratulations to Jenny for getting accepted to UTA Nursing School! She has been taking prereqs for six semesters now, and she finally got the official word (as if there were ever any doubt!) that she can start full-time nursing school this fall. She worked really hard to get ready to apply and did extremely well in her classes, and I have no doubt she will rock that school. The program lasts four semesters, so she expects to graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BSN) in May 2015. You better believe there will be a major graduation party.
5. Due to sequestration, the FAA has imposed mandatory furlough days on the air traffic controllers, reducing the workforce on any given day by about 10 percent. As a result, SWA took some minor delays during the day on Sunday (a lighter than normal traffic day), but multi-hour delays yesterday evening into Los Angeles. One of my flights landed four hours late. For those who’ve been screaming for spending cuts and smaller government, was this what they had in mind? Probably not, but this is what’s happening, and it sucks.
6. Something else that sucks is our yard! It turns out that ignoring your soil for four years, refusing to water or fertilize it, and hoping your grass won’t grow tends to produce poor soil that is more hospitable to weeds than to grass. So…I finally did something about it and bought some milorganite. It’s an organic fertilizer that adds nitrogen and lowers the soil’s pH a bit to make things less cozy for the weeds that form much of our yard. I’m trying hard to avoid poisons like Roundup and typical fertilizers that cause environmental problems (see West, TX for one example). This seems like a more effective and eco-friendly approach. We’ll how this organic stuff does.
7. We’re also thinking about replacing the monkey grass out front with some different plants that like full shade. Texas Smartscape has a nice database of native plants that do well here without copious amounts of water.

Boston Marathon runner Virginia Beard pauses in shock just after the bombs went off. She was half a mile from the finish line. Photo from CNN iReport.

I woke up early Monday morning to watch the Boston Marathon, mainly to watch two of my favorite distance runners, training partners Shalane Flanagan and Kara Goucher. They ran a great race and finished 4th and 6th, respectively. Happy for them, I ate lunch with the family and lay down for a nap.

Shortly thereafter, two bombs exploded near the Boston finish line, and distance running might never be the same.

You’ve probably read and seen many of the ugly details: at least three dead, over 130 injured. Let others discuss the terrorism angle and implications for national security. I want to share some perspective on what this means to me as a runner.

The Greatness of the Boston Marathon

Many runners view Boston as the Mecca of distance running. It’s the oldest annual marathon on the planet and probably the best known. It’s also one of the six major marathons each year that attract the world’s best runners, offer the most prestige, and award the most prize money to the winners. Even nonrunners have heard of Heartbreak Hill, the nasty climb at mile 20 that comes right about the time many runners are already hitting The Wall. Olympic runner Shalane Flanagan, a native of Massachusetts, said that if she could win Boston this year, it would be the highlight of her career. With a challenging and beautiful course, great support from the locals, and over a century of history, it’s a celebration of everything good about the sport.

You can’t just sign up for the Boston Marathon; you must qualify for it by running a very strong time in a prior event. To run Boston this year, I would have needed a time of 3 hours and 5 minutes in a previous marathon, a pace of 7:03 min/mile. At my best, I could barely hold that pace for 2 miles, much less 26.2. Many distance runners view making and finishing Boston as the crowning achievement of their running lives. Some work for years just trying to improve enough to qualify and never make it.

If you wanted to terrorize the running community, bombing the Boston Marathon would be a great way to do it.

Impact on This Year’s Runners

The bombs detonated at 2:45pm local time, over four hours after the last wave started. All the elites were done, so the bombs affected the more mortal runners. If I had the legs to run Boston and had been there, I could have been near the finish line when the bombs went off. I can only imagine what went through those runners’ minds at that moment. One man, a 78-year-old you’ve probably seen in the main video, fell over after the initial blast not far from the finish line. (If you’ve seen the video, he’s the guy in the reddish-orange tank top) Once he realized he was okay, he picked himself up and continued, finishing second in his division. That’s resilience, folks. But other runners weren’t so lucky and suffered serious injuries.

My friend’s sister was still on the course approaching the end when the bombs went off. She wasn’t harmed, but my friend was naturally quite worried until she finally heard that her sister was okay. Apparently, the race organizers let the remaining runners finish if they wanted to but diverted them to a slightly different course. So while they might have finished, they might not get an official finish time. I’m sure some runners simply chose to leave the course and head to safety without approaching the blast zone where other devices could be waiting.

A Dark Cloud at the Finish Line

At the end of a long race, many feelings can swirl around inside a runner: pain from pushing one’s body so hard for so long, relief and hope that the pain will end soon, joy and pride at having completed such an amazing feat, camaraderie with the nearby runners, sadness that the event that’s been so important for so long is about to end. At the end of my first half marathon, I was in severe pain and had nothing left, but I let out a war cry once I crossed the line. Approaching the end of my second, I teared up, overwhelmed by the magnitude of the experience.

For many, another source of hope awaits: seeing loved ones who are cheering at the finish line. I still remember my first organized race, the 2002 Cowtown 10k. Jenny and I had just started dating, but she came with me and waited for me at the end. My knee was killing me at the end, but knowing she was there waiting for me, cheering for me, helped me push through.

Yesterday’s bombing forever changed how runners will look at the finish line, especially when it comes to spectators. Many of the injured people were spectators, good people who had come out to cheer for someone they loved who was accomplishing a major life goal. From now on, we’ll get to wonder whether our loved ones at the finish line will still be alive when we get there.

The bombing also threw a major wrinkle into the plans for all large races to come, perhaps all races of any size. The London Marathon, another major, is this Sunday. Every person there will be on edge, wondering whether another bomb will explode. Race directors throughout the sport will be reevaluating security plans, debating how best to protect the runners, volunteers, and spectators. The larger races will probably add security, which will cost money and increase entry fees. Everyone involved will know, like with airport security or any other location with large crowds, that no situation can be made completely safe. Each of us will need to decide what level of risk we will accept.

Refusing to Cower

After the bombs went off, rather than fleeing, the first responders rushed in through the smoke to help. Hordes of Bostonians and visiting runners rushed to local hospitals to donate blood, so many that the hospitals finally had to start turning donors away. Locals opened their homes to runners who couldn’t return to their hotels. People around the world are sending support, prayer, and goodwill toward Boston. Like we did after September 11, we are refusing to cower in the presence of senseless evil. Good is flourishing in the midst of hatred and violence.

I’m not a soldier, police officer, paramedic, or politician. There isn’t much I can do to directly help the victims of yesterday’s attack. Yet I can do a few small things to push back against the darkness. I wore a race shirt to work last night, as many runners are planning to do today. I’m trying to focus on the upwelling of good that appeared in Boston to overwhelm the evil that appeared. And I’m going to run this afternoon. I haven’t really run in about 2 1/2 months due to my bum knee, but I’m going to give it a try in honor of the Boston victims, even if it’s only half a mile.

Pockets of darkness remain in our world and always will. I no longer bother trying to understand why evil exists or why God allowed such a horrible thing to happen. Ultimately, the whys don’t matter. What matters is how we respond. I refuse to live my life hiding behind a barricade and wondering what the terrorists will do next.

I hope to see you on the trail.

To give it some shade, I found a huge (11-foot!) patio umbrella at PatioShoppers.com. Finally, I picked up a big deck storage box to hold all the boys’ toys, a much better solution than the old method of leaving them loose in the backyard. We’re already enjoying our new backyard and had dinner on the patio Friday night. There’s something about being outside that makes me feel more alive and more connected to the world.

We have some other plans under consideration for down the road, such as a true cover for the porch, expanding and tiling the porch, removing the treehouse, replacing the old fences, and adding some landscaping. However, just adding the table and chairs is a huge improvement. Here are a few pictures:

The final product

The boys with the new table.

Us enjoying dinner before the umbrella arrived.

• I was off work all last week, and I was determined to be productive rather than good off the whole time. It worked. I polished the car, decluttered our bedroom, gathered clothes for Goodwill, mowed the yard, replaced two normal switches with fancy fan controls, dropped one of the fans and destroyed a fan blade, and completed my annual cockpit time.
• I also de-babyfied the house, getting rid of Jonathan’s old crib and mattress, the high chair, the booster seat, several toys, and all our baby gates. The bottom floor of the house looks strangely different without all the gates, much more open. I dig it.
• Last Saturday was Jenny’s birthday. My main present to her was watching the boys so she could go be alone and play for a while. She spent Friday shopping in Canton (I’ll take babysitting over Canton any day!), spent the night at a hotel in Farmers Branch, read a ton, got her nails done, and took a nap. The boys and I ate donuts, played, and went to the gym. Then the four of us went out to PF Chang’s for dinner Saturday night.
• Another thing I love about my wife? She doesn’t whine on every birthday about how she’s getting older. Instead, she’s just thankful for another year.
• We spent Easter with Jenny’s family. First, we went to their church for an egg hunt and worship. Their church is very small, which was odd for me, but has good people. The pastor is an old friend of Jenny’s, about my age, and one of the funniest pastors I’ve ever heard. After church, we enjoyed a tasty lunch at her parents’ house and celebrated Jenny’s birthday.
• That afternoon, Jenny’s dad and I picked up a patio table and chairs from Lowe’s for our backyard. I’ll cover them in a later post with pictures after we get the patio umbrella set up.
• I passed my annual competency check at work, so I get to keep my job. The big change this year is that designated check dispatchers are giving the checks rather than managers. My examiner started a few years after me but is really sharp and did a fine job. I didn’t apply to become a check dispatcher. It would have felt awkward to be in a position of authority over my peers. I already do that to a lesser degree when I’m training someone, and it’s something I tolerate rather than enjoy.
• After spending over a week on normal person schedule, it was really hard to switch back to midnight schedule earlier this week when I had to return to work. My body just didn’t want to stay asleep during the day. It’s getting better now, though.
• I’ve started lifting weights three times a week. Now that I’m getting into that habit, I’m enjoying it more and getting stronger. Our gym also has a core class that I hit once or twice a week to work my abs, lower back, glutes, and hamstrings. Plus I’m hitting the weight machines and even tried a barbell class. Don’t expect me to transform into Arnold, though. Ain’t nobody got time for dat.
• Next month, we’re planning to take the boys down to South Padre to play on the beach for a couple days. Jenny will be taking a class this summer, and we wanted to go play somewhere between semesters. We might try some dolphin and/or sea turtle activities while we’re there as well. Southwest now has a nonstop from Dallas to Harlingen that looks wide open, so we’re all over it.

Another advantage of playing in all these public parks is the boys’ opportunity to play with other kids. My sons aren’t exactly shy. When we show up at a park where other kids are playing, they happily jump right in and assume they are now part of the group rather than awkwardly lingering on the fringe hoping to get an invitation. For this shy dad, it’s a joy and a relief to see how comfortable they are with complete strangers.

Last week we went to the “Blue Park” – we’ve given each park a name that’s easy for them to remember – that sits near the apartments where Jenny and I lived when we first got married. Lots of kids were playing at the playground that day, many of them connected to a large family gathering that was grilling at a nearby picnic area. As usual, Brenden and Jonathan jumped right in. As I watched them play, I noticed that they were the racial minority at the playground. Most of the kids were black, the ones from the family gathering, and a few might have been Latino or white. I was struck by how, for my boys and seemingly for the other kids as well, race was an absolute non-issue.

They didn’t care whether the other kids were white, black, brown, or any other color. They were just happy to have someone with whom to play superheroes and pile up on the slide and giggle and run around and swing. One of the black boys was older, apparently the leader of the group. He was very patient and helpful with the younger kids of all races. At one point he even pushed Brenden on the swing for a bit, and Brenden loved getting attention from a big kid.

This little experience reminded me of a truth I’ve known for years but sometimes forget: racism is learned, not natural.

Let me be clear and honest here. I’m not perfect in the prejudice department. I’m not completely colorblind, nor am I sure that’s even a good goal given that race is part of one’s identity and is often tied into one’s culture, values, and much more in ways that are difficult for an American white male to understand. I still jump to inappropriate conclusions sometimes based on someone’s race. I still laugh at some racial humor that I probably shouldn’t condone. I choose to live in a suburb with a good school district, and that district does happen to contain mostly white kids. But Jenny and I are trying not to taint our sons’ worldview with any inappropriate prejudices, generalizations, or stereotypes based on a person’s race. I think that’s the main reason why being around kids of other races isn’t a big deal to them. Since we don’t make race an issue, they haven’t gotten any notion that race is worth considering. I like that.

I also want to preserve that perspective in them for as long as I can. I don’t try to persuade them to go to the parks where mostly white kids hang out. (I do try to steer them toward parks that have actual bathrooms rather than Portapotties or secluded trees, but that’s another post) I try to keep them away from racist people so those people’s hatred and ignorance don’t taint my sons’ young minds. I try hard to avoid the subtle Texas racism of describing a white man simply as a guy but a black man as a black guy, even though the man’s race is completely irrelevant to the story. Using language that way reinforces the idea that race is a thing when most of the time, it isn’t.

I also don’t plan to hide my children from “the minorities” by enrolling them in a private school or homeschool them for their entire school careers to keep them away from kids who are different. Brenden starts public kindergarten this fall, and we plan to keep both of them in public school through their senior years, just like we were. I want them to be around different types of people – different races, languages, religions, genders, socioeconomic classes, cultures, and sexual orientations – so they will have a better understanding of how people really are.

I am convinced their lives will be richer as a result, and so will ours.