Awe

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On occasion, far too often I’m afraid, I get the chance to step back from the daily struggles of parenthood and look more closely at my children.

They are impossibly, achingly beautiful.

I don’t say that just because they are handsome young men because it’s much, much more than that. They are a mysterious, inexplicable swirl of Jenny and me and her family and my family and God and genetics and chance. No matter how much we try to shape them into some vague notion of responsible, loving, mature young men over their couple of decades in our care, they are separate and independent and amazing little people with their own personalities, wills, and choices to make. It’s amazing that I get to play a small role in their lives.

It’s so easy to get beaten down and distracted by daily life with children – the constant messes, the moments that make me shake my head in bewilderment, the frustration that occurs when I measure childhood logic by grown-up standards, the soul-sucking drudgery of making their compliance with my directions my ultimate goal rather than something more meaningful, the fear that this will be the time when they really do hurt each other and do permanent damage, the numbness that develops after tuning out countless fits and learning how to judge the seriousness of a cry from the other room.

If those are the only parts of parenthood that we think about and remember, it’s hard to be happy as a parent.

But today we went to the boys’ open house at school. Brenden showed us around his room like he was proud of it. He played with a friend on the big-kid playground and yelled gleefully for the friend to chase him, a natural leader like I never was. I saw a drawing he’d made of our house, and it actually looked sorta like our house. Jonathan played dress-up in his classroom for at least the dozenth time. He loves being either a fireman or Superman. He loves his teachers. They love him. He plays with cars in the corner, not because we taught him that boys are supposed to like cars, but simply because he does. They are real people. They didn’t even exist a few years ago, yet now they do, growing and changing every day.

We came home and put them to bed. I remember late last night going up to check on Jonathan when he was coughing, just like I’d done other nights when he’d woken up with a nightmare. He wasn’t scared of the large, dark man he could barely see because he knew it was me, that I loved him, and I was here to help. It’s awe-inspiring to hear my two-year-old say, “Thank you, Daddy,” after I give him a drink or tuck him back into bed.

Tonight I put Brenden to bed, and he figured out how to break my concentration and relentless focus on the task at hand. I’d finally brought his piggy bank, a gift from our friends Chris and Demona upon his birth, into his room so he could collect his own coins. He found the concept of a piggy bank amusing. As I’m asking him which song he wants me to sing, he starts saying, “Piggy.” I don’t know why he thought it was funny, or how he knew it would break me, but I laughed. He knew he had me then, so he kept doing it and laughing hysterically at my helplessness. I temporarily lost my “control” of the situation, and I just let it go. I sat by his bed laughing with my son. It felt like we were actually friends instead of parent and child. And I liked it. We agreed upon “Old McDonald Had A Farm.” And yes, Old McDonald had a piggy tonight.

After they were asleep, I looked through the pictures Jenny had taken of the open house. I was blown away by what I saw. Their lives, their personalities, leapt through the pictures into my soul, as if I were seeing them for the first time. Those beautiful boys belong to us, to God, to the world. I don’t deserve them, but I’m glad they are a part of my life anyway.

I want to see them this way much more often.

Debate #2 Thoughts

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A few quick thoughts on the second debate:

  • Obama did much better this round than last. I would call the debate a draw.
  • I liked the town hall format and thought the audience asked some excellent questions. Unfortunately, both candidates consistently failed to give a straight answer and instead responded to the question with a canned response on the general topic or used the time to bash his opponent.
  • It sure would have been nice to hear from some of the third-party candidates. No third-party candidate will ever have a chance without getting the parties’ ideas onto a national stage through inclusion in the debates…which is precisely why it doesn’t happen. My candidates, Jill Stein and Cheri Honkala, got arrested at the debate site after being denied access.
  • Neither candidate’s tax proposal numbers add up. Romney proposes an across-the-board tax cut of 20 percent, offset by reduced deductions that he refuses to commit to. One new proposal for tonight was an end to taxes on capital gains and interest income for the middle class. At the same time, he wants to increase military spending, and has proposed no significant spending cuts besides repealing Obamacare. So he wants to reduce tax revenue while spending more money, and somehow this combination will balance the budget. Note that we are already running a deficit of about $1 trillion per year.
  • Obama’s numbers are better, but they don’t add up either. He proposes raising taxes on the wealthy. I support that. But his proposal won’t come close to eliminating the deficit, either.
  • How to improve this debate: 1) Cut off their mikes when their time is up. 2) Let the question-asker decide whether each candidate actually answered the question and award extra time for the next question accordingly. 3) Attach a shock collar to each candidate. Let the moderator pull the trigger when either one goes off topic.
  • Repeat after me: Presidents do not control the economy or the price of oil. Influence? Somewhat. But control? Not even close.

Haiku Tuesday – Gangnam Style

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Today’s Haiku Tuesday celebrates a weird, catchy Korean dance song called Gangnam Style that has spawned numerous covers on YouTube. You can watch the original above, but only if you learn and perform the Horsey Dance. And video it. And post a link to it with your poem.

And now, we haiku:

Scared of foreign tunes?
Some thoughts need no translation
HEEEEEEEEEEEY, SEXY LADY!

Don’t know what it means
Don’t know many of the words
But can’t help but groove

Own the Horsey Dance
Shake that booty, spin that rope
Alone in your den

“What the heck IS this??”
Thought I when I saw it first
But I couldn’t stop

I’m American
Writing Japanese poems
On Korean songs.

OK, go!

Blog Stew 9/27/2012

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Hmm…Blog Stew…I think I’ll make that a new category for my random thought posts. Sounds tasty! Blog stew is great for those days when I don’t have the idea, time, or motivation to write a long, thoughtful post on a specific topic. Those do take a lot of work, and no matter the topic, it’s sure to only interest some of you. It’s much easier to throw a bunch of different things together in the old Crock Pot and let it simmer. I hope you will find a few interesting morsels.

  • Don’t get too excited yet since we haven’t played any big-time schools, but so far the nation’s top college quarterback in total offense per game attends a little school in Waco, Texas. Sic ’em, Nick Florence!
  • Today will be my final long run (13.1 miles) before the 25k in Tyler on October 13. This will only be the second time in my life I’ve ever attempted this distance, the other being the Cowtown half marathon back in February. But my legs feel great, and I’m excited to get out there this afternoon. Next week I’ll taper, or cut back on mileage to rest up for the race.
  • You Obama-haters can rejoice…briefly. I’m strongly leaning toward going Green with Dr. Jill Stein. I like many things about Obama and will be happy if he wins in November, but he’s also done some things I don’t like and broken some important promises (not closing Guantanamo Bay, not punishing the business execs who nearly destroyed our economy, keeping troops in Afghanistan when victory is impossible, etc.). I don’t agree with Stein on everything, but she and the Green Party seem to have the platform that the Democrats don’t have the guts to pursue, largely because the Greens don’t have corporate sponsors. Unfortunately, that also means they have very little chance of winning anything, much less the Presidency. Romney will carry Texas regardless of how I vote, and Obama will probably get reelected regardless of how I vote, so maybe I’ll just use my ballot to dream big.
  • The pilot-management standoff at American is interesting but sad to watch. I read a comment from one AA pilot that the slowdown isn’t exactly an organized, concerted effort to destroy the operation. It’s more a matter of being extra careful to protect their jobs. Until the judge tossed out their contract a couple of weeks ago, that contract backed them up in the event of an small deviation from the hundreds of company procedures they have to follow when flying the plane. The company can now fire them at will for any mistake they make. I’d be a little more careful, too. Is the pilot’s statement true? I’m not sure, but it made some sense to me. However, with so much anger over there, I’m sure that some of them don’t mind making their employer look bad. I hope both sides can work out a deal soon. And I’m still very grateful to work where I work.
  • You know my son Brenden doesn’t feel well when you have to drag him out of bed in the morning. He is definitely a morning person.
  • Jenny has been accepted at UTA and will start classes there in January. She did awesome on her nursing school entrance test as expected. The only question now is when she’ll be able to take her remaining UTA-specific nursing prerequisites. She meets with a nursing advisor next week who should be able to help.
  • I know it was unnecessary and expensive and irresponsible and all that, but my iPad is awesome. I use it more than my phone or laptop. Blogging on it is a bit more difficult compared to a laptop or desktop since it doesn’t have a separate keyboard or mouse, but it’s easier to carry around than the laptop and has a 4G Internet connection.

Thank you, come again.

“WHEEEEYAAH?”

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My sister walked up to the taxi stand in the Las Vegas airport.

“Wheeeeyaah?” the middle-aged woman asked in a thick New York accent.

“What?” my sister, a native of the Dallas area who has little experience with New York accents, replied.

“WHEEEEYAAH?” she repeated, exasperation rising.

“Um, NOW,” my ridiculously awesome sister answered, thinking the woman was asking a different question that was much less logical in those circumstances. Normally, she tries not to be a smart aleck with strangers, but…you know.

“WHICH HOTEL?”

“Oh, the Monte Carlo.”

Strong accents seem to be on the decline these days, both according to some articles I’ve read and from my own observation. I recently spent a few days in New York, a place full of people whom native Texans often expect to talk “funny”. However, looking back, I’m struck by how few New York accents I heard. The only one I remember belonged to a pizza maker in a neighborhood restaurant in Manhattan. The only other memorable accent came from two female South African tennis fans. Most people sounded fairly neutral. Now that I’m back home, even though I’ve lived in Texas all my life and come from a line of Texas accents, I still notice the accent when I’m around anyone who has a strong one.

Several factors contribute to this decline in accent prevalence. As our society becomes more mobile and more urban, people are less likely to spend their whole lives surrounded by people who all talk the same way. We move from place to place, from state to state, and even from country to country. Each generation is more likely to live in a large city or metropolitan area that contains people from a variety of places with a variety of different accents, many of which are very slight. We also consume mass amounts of nationally distributed music, film, television, and other media that generally uses a Midwestern-like accent called Standard American or General American English. As the article notes in quoting journalist Linda Ellerbee, “in television, you’re not supposed to sound like you’re from anywhere”. Standard American is becoming the most common accent in our country.

An article in the Austin paper argues that the younger people, especially younger women, are the biggest drivers of this standardization of accent. In some cases, the change is passive, but many people choose to downplay their native accent to blend in. When I’m relaxing with family or friends, and especially when I’m tired, I do speak a bit Texan. However, most of the time I try to use Standard American, such as when I’m at work, on the phone, giving a speech, or doing business with someone. Why?

First, I tend to mumble, so adding an accent to my mumbling doesn’t help. Trying to “talk neutral” forces me to enunciate better, like I learned back in my theater and singing days. Second, right or wrong, some people tend to assume a lower level of education or intelligence in someone who sounds strongly Texan. Unless, I’m deliberately playing dumb, I want credit for the few brain cells I have left. Third, in the same vein, some people make other assumptions about those who sound Texan. I might be from Texas, but I don’t ride a horse to work, live on a ranch, watch Fox News, vote for people named Bush, own an oil well or cowboy hat, or drive a pickup. Many people around here do the same thing when they hear a New York accent, assuming the speaker must be rude, abrupt, standoffish, and liberal.

Accents will probably never completely disappear, but I see no reason why the consolidation trend won’t continue. A strong Texas accent will probably sound a bit more foreign to my boys than it does to me. In some ways that’s unfortunate, as we’re losing some of the regional color that makes our language and culture so interesting. Yet it also provides some advantages, such as making communication easier and reducing our tendency to make assumptions based on how we talk.

Peace, y’all. 🙂

Kid Tricks

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The Box boys keep learning new tricks, and it’s time to brag a bit. Here are a few things each of them has picked up lately:

Brenden

  1. Writing His Name – Brenden’s pre-K class seems to be a big step up in terms of structure and curriculum, which seems appropriate considering they’ll be in kindergarten next year. One big change is writing letters. Yep, Brenden is starting to write and can already write his name. Depending on the available space, he might or might not put all the letters in the correct order or on the same line, or even include every letter each time, but I was impressed all the same.
  2. Phonics and Pre-reading – They are already working on phonics. B has a reading folder and phonic homework. We’re supposed to practice the short vowel sounds with him this week. Next week they start working on “blends”, consonants paired with vowels. He also seems to be pre-reading a bit. If you ask him to read you a book, he refuses. However, sometimes he seems to be reading without realizing it, such as recognizing someone’s written name or another word.
  3. Getting Dressed – In the morning, Brenden can take off his PJs and overnight pull-up, use the bathroom, and get dressed completely on his own.
  4. Typing – Yes, Brenden can type, sort of. He helped Jenny type a letter to Mickey Mouse. Basic typing should be easier than writing, if you think about it. Once he reaches junior high or even late elementary school, I wonder whether he’ll type more than he writes by hand in school.
  5. Tennis – He’s not bombing 130 mph aces down the T, but he has made significant progress in simply getting the ball over the net. We “played” last week with modified rules – if he hit it over, he generally won the point unless I felt like hitting a winner up the line, which I did a couple of times. (is that bad?) Once he understood that he got a point for clearing the net, tennis became much more fun rather than frustrating. His coordination has improved compared to the last time we played as well.

Jonathan

  1. Talking – Preschoolers’ acquisition of language fascinates me. Jonathan can still be difficult to understand if you’re not around him every day like we are, but he is really progressing in his speech. His language skills really picked up in January when he started preschool, and he generally speaks in complete sentences such as, “More milk, please”, “I sit wif you”, “He making a bad choice”, or “That’s not very nice!” His conversations with Brenden can be hilarious.
  2. Pottytraining – Hmm…how to discuss your son’s pottytraining on your blog without embarrassing him 10 years from now when he goes back and reads all the stuff you wrote about him? He’s in pull-ups all the time now. Um, number 1 is working great if we remind him. Number 2 is proving difficult, but he’s only 2 1/2, so I’m sure it will be OK. Right now, when it’s potty time, he wants us to drag him across the living room by his feet to the bathroom. Yeah, I don’t get it, either.
  3. Pedaling – After struggling with the idea for a while, Jonathan has figured out how to pedal his Mickey Mouse tricycle. I look forward to the day, still a couple years away, when all four of us can go ride in the park together.
  4. Letters and Numbers – Jonathan has known the alphabet for some time now, both in the song and on the page. He can also count to fifteen, maybe higher. We practice letters and counting every day. At bedtime, instead of a normal lullaby, he wants us to sing him the alphabet song.

All these new abilities remind me of a wonderful but sobering truth that nearly every parent faces at some point: someday our children will be on their own and won’t need us anymore. They will know enough tricks to go forth into the world and make their own way. Our job, even though the boys don’t always understand it or like it, is to prepare them for that day. Every new ability they gain brings them a bit closer. While a part of me is saddened by that thought, the rest is amazed by my children and what they can already think and say and do.