You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals
So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
– The Bloodhound Gang, “Bad Touch”

Our church just started a new series on sex. Yep, we talk about sex in our church. How hip is our pastor? He quoted the song above during the sermon, which made me want to get up and dance. I remember hearing it on the radio as a horny college student. It made me laugh then. It makes me laugh now.

When this song came out in 1999, sex was a big deal to me for two main reasons: 1) I was 20 years old, and 2) I wasn’t getting any. Not a pleasant combination. When you can’t have something you want, what do you think about? Part of the reason I liked that song, besides its juvenile cleverness, was its honesty toward the subject of sex. It wasn’t ashamed to tell the truth: We Like Sex, and We Want Some From You. Granted, the Bloodhound Gang’s approach might have turned some women away, but at least they knew where the guys stood. (sorry, had to)

Suffering Back in the Day

As an evangelical teenager, I generally believed the formula sexual thoughts = lust = sin. Blah. I didn’t like it, but I believed it. I didn’t like it because it didn’t match 1990s reality in which, as a preteen, my hormones started kicking like Van Damme, but I wouldn’t be getting married until…who knew? My mid-20s? 30? Even later? So basically God was torturing me. By the time I got married (assuming I did someday), I would have spent at least HALF MY LIFE with a sex drive even though God had said no sex until marriage. Double blah. Maybe saving sex for marriage worked OK in Biblical times when people started puberty later and got married younger, but these days…not so much.

Believe it or not, like a small fraction of the population, I was a virgin when Jenny and I got married. I was 24 years old, younger than the author of a great article called Tales of a 25-Year-Old Virgin in Relevant. But don’t put me on a pedestal by any means. Yes, in high school, I tried to be a good and moral person and saw virginity as the right thing to do. It certainly helped that none of my close friends were sexually active. But after high school, it wasn’t any desire to be holy or please God that led me to say no when opportunities arose to turn in my V-card. And it certainly wasn’t lack of interest. It was a single, powerful fear: pregnancy. I just knew that we would be the 1 percent whose birth control failed, leading to some very awkward conversations with our families. Plus, you know, a BABY. In light of how quickly Jenny and I conceived Jonathan, perhaps my fears were not unfounded. My swimmers could get it DONE.

Enough of This

Jenny and I got married in January 2003. Sex finally became something to enjoy rather than the punchline to a joke or something to giggle and whisper about. One of the many great things about being married is the freedom to treat sex as a legitimate part of life rather than a taboo, obsession, source of embarrassment, or guilty pleasure. I can listen to a fun but raunchy song like “Bad Touch” or Ludacris’s “Stand Up” without feeling like I’m filling my mind with impure thoughts about women who aren’t my wife. We can flirt with each other via suggestive texts or emails. If we’re watching a movie together, we don’t need to blush or squirm or make awkward comments if a sex scene appears. Plus we can, you know, actually have sex without feeling guilty or worrying about whether we’ll get caught. We can even discuss sex with our friends. (And blog about it on occasion to boost my web traffic.)

Nothing but Mammals?

Let’s go back to the Discovery Channel song for a minute. My pastor’s point in the song reference was to bemoan our society’s reduction of sex to a simple animalistic act rather than a complex emotional, physical, and spiritual union that needs to be protected by the institution of marriage. It’s a much bigger deal than simply two people having fun. Is he right?

He does have a point. Sex IS a big deal. It can have real consequences. As my friend Kelly said, it’s the only activity in the universe that has the power to create another human being, and it deserves respect. It can also have a huge impact on relationships. Sex prolongs some that really ought to end. Illicit sex with one person can end a relationship with another person. It can make people feel loved or used, beautiful or ugly, pleasantly content or bitterly dissatisfied.

But looking back, I also wonder whether I made it too big of a deal, whether our society in general makes it too big a deal. On this side of the fence, sex is an important and fun part of life, but it’s not the all-consuming, mysterious obsession that it was before I crossed over. I also know plenty of people who had sex before marriage, some with multiple partners, and turned out just fine. What would have happened if I hadn’t said no? Would it really have made a difference?

And I have other questions, such as whether the Bible actually says sex between unmarried people is wrong or whether that’s simply what most churches teach for more practical reasons. And what and when I should tell my boys about sex. Obviously, abstinence is the best form of birth control, but is it realistic to expect it from them when most of their friends will not wait for marriage? But those are questions to ponder some other time.

Right now, I’m just glad I don’t have to wait any longer. And thankful for free music on YouTube.