…before we had a baby:

1. Please don’t fart on me.
2. Don’t step on Daddy’s crotch.
3. Don’t put your pacifier on your penis.
4. Stab it! Stab it! YAY!!!
5. I just don’t want to go out on Date Night covered in boogers.
6. Why are you holding on to the cat’s leg?
7. No, that bone is not for you to chew on. Chew on this.
8. The toilet is not a drum.
9. Mommy can’t breathe if you’re on her throat.
10. The doggie doesn’t want to eat the giraffe.