I don’t have as much time to blog these days, as you’ve probably noticed, but I have a chance tonight. Life with two boys under two is about what we had expected: exciting and fun but difficult at times. Since Jonathan is such a well-mannered and healthy baby, it seems a bit easier than I had expected. However, both of us are very tired – Jenny because she gets woken up throughout the night, me because I spend much of my day taking care of Brenden and then insist on staying up too late so I can have some man-cave time.

I got to thinking about babies over the past several days. Although very cute, they are extremely unproductive (except for diapers) and completely dependent on others for survival. Compared to their caretakers, they have very little understanding of the world and how it works. Their world revolves around a few simple needs: milk, sleep, love, clean diapers, and shelter. As a parent, I know so much more about life and have so much to give my newborn son, but he isn’t ready to take it all in yet. For example, I watched the Colts-Jets game with him and tried to tell him about how great Peyton Manning is, and how he might never remember getting to see Manning play, but he had no clue. I have to remember that he and I are on completely different levels, so I must be very patient and try to help him in ways that he can handle.

I’ll bet that to God, I look the same way that my newborn son looks to me. Despite all I’ve seen, learned, and done in my 31 years, I still understand only a tiny fraction of God’s universe. He and I are on completely different levels, so He must be very patient with me as I fumble through my few short years here. Sometimes I do things that seem perfectly reasonable to me but make God shake His head. Maybe He sighs. Maybe He laughs like we do at Brenden every day. He remains patient with me and tries to help me in ways that I can handle. And I love Him for it.

Long before I ever became a father or even married Jenny, I explored these two relationships in a poem called “Helpless”. I included it on my Recent Poetry page, but I’ll repost it here for convenience in case you’re a poetry buff.

Helpless
10-29-01

I am a baby in your arms
Squishy and fussy and squirming
for my eyes are too small to see.

Helpless I lie on your breast
Having nothing I gained on my own
And yet fighting with every small ounce of my strength
Thinking I could do better alone.
You patiently smile when I kick you
Don’t get mad when I will not obey
When I find I don’t have all the answers
We sit down and you show me the way.
Why do you love when I cry all night
And keep you awake with my screams?
Why do you rock me and kiss my face
And make me believe in my dreams?
Every time I soil myself again
You pick me up and tell me it’s okay
Although it’s always hard on you and me
Somehow you know I’m going to learn someday.
I know not, Daddy, what I do
I spill my milk, I scratch my face
I scribble on my nursery walls
Thick marks I can’t erase.
But somehow Daddy’s love is greater
Than the promise I can’t keep
And still you’re with me, safe and strong
And finally, in your arms, I sleep.