In American society, one of many people’s standard questions for young married couples like us is “So, when are you guys having kids?” It seems like a logical and innocuous question to them because in their mind, children are simply the appropriate next step, and all it takes to get pregnant is a simple choice to try. The longer a couple has been married, the stranger it seems to be childless, and the more often those questions arise from well-meaning people – at work, at church, among friends, and especially at family events. Unfortunately, this seemingly friendly question often pours salt in an open wound. Why? Because not every childless couple is childless by choice.
Some couples have medical issues that prevent them from ever having children. Some have a chance, but only with specialized medical assistance. Some have no obvious medical problems but just don’t have any luck. Some want children but can’t even try right now due to work, school, or financial barriers. Some got pregnant but recently miscarried. If you don’t know about a couple’s situation, it’s probably best just not to ask. First, it’s none of your business. Second, the couple might be in one of these situations, and just getting the question (again) could be painful.
For those who don’t already know, we’ve been trying for over a year to get pregnant with no luck and no clear explanation. We’ve started seeing a wonderful specialist in Irving who has helped some of our friends. He might have figured out the problem, and if he’s right, the solution is relatively easy. We ask for your prayers and understanding, both on our behalf and for all the other couples out there who are struggling with infertility.
Finally, if you know someone fighting this battle, please be careful with your efforts to comfort or help them. Many of the pat responses, such as “Just relax and it’ll work,” “You can always adopt,” “Adopt, and then you’ll get pregnant – it works every time!”, “Have you tried _________?”, “My friend tried for XXX years and finally got pregnant”, etc., are more frustrating/hurtful than helpful. Just tell them you’re very sorry and you’ll pray for them.
