Emotional Pornography Revisited

Posted on December 31, 2010 by Andy

Earlier this week I blogged about “emotional pornography,” the movies, books, and TV shows that seek to replace normal emotions with unrealistic, stylized forms of emotions that create unrealistic expectations. While I thought the idea and the linked article were interesting, I wrestled for a while with my post as I tried to figure out what exactly to say. It didn’t quite seem right. Thanks in part to comments from my mom and grandfather, I think I figured out why: both my article and the one from Relevant are trying to lump two distinct but related issues into a single catchphrase, and it doesn’t quite work. The two issues are:

Do the romance and romantic comedy genres create inappropriate expectations for real relationships, setting us all up for failure?
Is it appropriate for the creators of media in general to intentionally craft their stories to elicit a particular emotional response?

Expectations in Relationships – Sorry, but I don’t see any way to dispute this one. Fire away if I’m wrong. Whether it’s good or bad is a separate question, but to me it’s very clear that romances and rom-coms intentionally create larger-than-life relationships in order to entertain us. They provide enough conflict to make the storyline interesting, but in the end, there’s generally a happy wedding between the two people we’ve been rooting for throughout the movie. They filter out the messy details of relationships unless those details can generate a good laugh.

We (well, some of us!) LOVE this stuff, right? We cheer for the Man in Black and Princess Buttercup, Jack and Rose, Prince Eric and Ariel the mermaid, and Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in every movie they do together. We imagine how much fun life would be if our lives could be like theirs. And maybe that’s not all bad. Real life is hard. Escaping it for a bit is fun.

I’m just concerned, based on my own experience and what I’ve read and heard from others, that people can be disappointed when their relationships don’t look like the ones they see in the movies. If you’re a woman who thinks she’s married Sir Lancelot, you might be horrified when he doesn’t bring home flowers every night, he gets scared if you assign him to diaper detail, and he occasionally pees in the shower because it’s more convenient. If you’re a man who thinks he married Charlie from Top Gun, you might be really confused when sometimes she isn’t in the mood because she’s PMSing, she gets mad when you get drunk and embarrass her in public, and she occasionally has to do decidedly unladylike things like taking a dump.

Emotional “Manipulation”?

This, I think, is the more interesting question. As you might have seen in the comments, my grandfather astutely points out that many of our greatest films and books have a huge emotional impact, which is one of the features that make them so great. I’ve seen hundreds of movies, if not thousands, and many of the most memorable got me involved on an emotional level. I cared about the characters, celebrating their triumphs and mourning their losses.

Rudy comes to mind. The cynic might dismiss Rudy as manipulative and even silly. Sure, Rudy’s obsession with playing football for the Irish could be considered foolish and immature. But tell me you didn’t tear up when the crowd started chanting his name in that final game or when he sacked the quarterback on his final play. The filmmakers intentionally changed some historical details, found a perfect actor for the role, and designed the film to make you care about Rudy’s quest as much as possible. You ache for him every time he gets rejected. You cheer for him when he finally gets to suit up and get on the field.

Is it manipulative to craft a story to elicit the maximum emotional response? I’m not sure.

An artist can tell the same story in many, many different ways. I don’t really write much that’s creative anymore, but when I did, I had to make countless decisions about what to include and what to exclude. Every word and every detail in a story, poem, or screenplay needs to contribute somehow – by developing a character, advancing the plot, expressing a theme, or preferably some combination thereof. I definitely tried to involve my readers emotionally as I told my story. I wanted to move them in some way, whether to laughter, fury, or tears.

If you don’t get emotionally involved with a piece of art, and it’s not making you laugh or entertaining you in some other way, then what’s the point? Why bother watching or reading until the end? I hear some critics call certain works “emotionally manipulative” in a negative sense. Perhaps I’m missing something, but I’m not sure how to make an engaging movie that doesn’t manipulate the viewer’s/reader’s emotions somehow. I suppose a lowbrow comedy could probably succeed, but most other genres need to engage our emotions. Otherwise, we just won’t care.

Respect for the Law

Posted on December 10, 2010 by Andy

Sir, I had Commander Heatherly in my sights. He saw me move in for the kill. He then proceeded below the hard deck. We were below for just a few seconds. I had the shot. There was no danger, so I took it. – Maverick, Top Gun

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I break the law. Yes, yes, I know your jaws just dropped to the floor, but it’s true.

As a kid, I clung to a passage in the New Testament, Romans 13, that commands us to submit to the “governing authorities” because “all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.” I interpreted this verse to include obeying the law to the letter, much to the chagrin of those around me. I refused to pirate music or software. I obeyed the speed limit. I reported cash income that I could have easily hidden. I worked hard to make sure people didn’t copy my work and I didn’t copy anyone else’s work in school.

Yes, I was pretty annoying at times. But I wanted to please God, so if I had to choose between pleasing you and pleasing God, I wasn’t afraid to disappoint you.

As I got older, though, things changed a bit. I came to realize that some laws are unjust and others are straight-up stupid. Lawmakers lost their moral authority due to corruption and scandal. Situations arose in which following the law conflicted with other noble goals.

Now I choose which laws to follow and which to ignore. I’ll bet you do, too.

Our society has created a ranking system for crime, with murder and rape near the top and traffic violations near the bottom. Criminals at one end are often hated, spat upon, protested against, and rejected by society. Criminals at the other end are regarded as normal or even celebrated. For example, have you ever heard someone brag about how many speeding tickets they’ve gotten? Christians often do the same with sins named in the Bible. Idol worship, murder, and homosexuality are often at the bad end of the spectrum, while Sabbath-breaking, greed, and white lies are perfectly acceptable.

Today, I am largely an obedient, law-abiding citizen, the kind that cops don’t bother to pull over because they know they won’t find anything good. I’ve still never been pulled over by a cop, a quirk in which I take too much pride. But sometimes I do break the law. Sometimes it’s even intentional.

I try to limit my crimes to “nice” ones. Although I do annoyingly abide by the speed limit and look down my pointy, judgmental nose at those who ignore it, on occasion I have been known to speed. It’s often when I’m going to work and need to make up a bit of time. I justify it by saying I would rather speed than be late, which is a bigger crime in my office. Naturally, I try to drive no more than 5 mph over the limit so I won’t get caught. But when someone blows past at 80 or 90, I get mad. Sometimes I even honk at them, but only when I’m driving legally myself. I don’t want to be TOO hypocritical, just a little.

I also ran a red light once. No one was around. I didn’t want to wait.

I occasionally take medications that were prescribed to other people, which is a violation of federal drug law. Why? Because when I feel bad, and my wife or kid has a few leftover anti-nausea pills or asthma inhalers that are exactly what I need, I’m not going to waste time and money going to a doctor and getting a new prescription. The fact that I’m highly unlikely to get caught makes my decision much easier.

I gave alcohol to a minor. (At a Baptist university, might I add.) Why? I knew the recipient would handle it responsibly, and, well, I was feeling a bit naughty.

Why do I feel that I can decide which laws to follow and which to flaunt? On a related note, why do I feel I can decide which parts of the Bible to obey and which ones to ignore or reinterpret? I’m not quite sure. I just do it. Maybe I simply don’t like being chained by rules. Maybe it’s a subconscious reaction against legalism. Maybe it’s a realization that the law is limited and imperfect, unable to provide the proper answer for every situation.

What are your thoughts?

Alpha Bravo

Posted on December 4, 2010 by Andy

You’re on the phone with someone. You need to spell a word for the other party, perhaps a street name so they can send you a giant novelty check or a free puppy. You have two choices:

Waste time and oxygen with the traditional “L as in Larry, A as in Apple, R as in Robot…”
Use the ICAO spelling alphabet.

People who talk on the radio, such as pilots and sailors, find that radio communication can be hampered by poor reception, stress, time pressures, and various accents and dialects. Since English is the standard language of aviation, the international aviation community developed the ICAO spelling alphabet to make it easy to understand individual English letters over the radio throughout the world.

Although it sounds a bit odd and technical at first, once you learn the system, it’s actually easy to use and more efficient than the traditional “L as in Larry.” A little practice goes a long way. The word form of each letter, as you probably expect, starts with that letter. A becomes Alpha, B becomes Bravo, and so on.

I use the ICAO spelling alphabet quite often at work. For example, when we must amend a flight release, we use our initials for simplicity. Instead of “AB,” which the pilot could easily mishear as “AD” or “AV”, I am simply Alpha Bravo. Not only does it sound slick, but it also prevents the pilots from mishearing my name as Randy Fox or Sandy Cox.

Here’s a breakdown of the spelling version of the English alphabet:

A	Alpha	N	November
B	Bravo	O	Oscar
C	Charlie	P	Papa
D	Delta	Q	Quebec
E	Echo	R	Romeo
F	Foxtrot	S	Sierra
G	Golf	T	Tango
H	Hotel	U	Uniform
I	India	V	Victor
J	Juliet	W	Whiskey
K	Kilo	X	X-ray
L	Lima	Y	Yankee
M	Mike	Z	Zulu

Sure, some of the words are a bit goofy and/or dated (“foxtrot”? seriously?), but the system works. The U.S. military, police forces, and other groups also use this system or a modified version of it. I am a big fan and wish everyone used it whenever they need to spell something out over the phone. It can also be used to more politely encode some impolite acronyms for those in the know (see military aviator slang).

Motivation

Posted on November 19, 2010 by Andy

It’s very hard to understand in the beginning that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants to quit. – Dr. George Sheehan

I love this quote, which I got from a runner buddy of mine at work. I suppose some elite or competitive runners might focus primarily on winning, but I think the sentiment above is true for most other runners. When I race, it would be nice to win (I assume – it’s never happened before and probably never will), but I’m more focused on personal goals: What’s my best time at this distance? How fast do I think I can go today? Do I have enough left in the tank to keep up this pace? How disappointed in myself would I be if I slowed down or quit early?

One of the most important lessons my mother ever taught me was that I should do my best, whatever that might be, and that my best was good enough.

For me, meeting the goals I set is its own reward. I measure my success largely with data. On the trail, I use faster times or longer distances. In school, I used my GPA and test scores. At the doctor’s office, I use cholesterol counts and resting heart rates. When driving, I use my MPG.

Yes, I’m a nerd. But unless you’re new here, you already knew that.

Despite my enthusiasm for my favorite teams, I’m not terribly competitive when it comes to my own pursuits. Competition compares my effort and ability, which are somewhat under my control, to those of my opponents, which are completely outside my control. I can’t influence how fast the other runners run, so I’m not upset when the other guy can run a 20-minute 5k. I couldn’t stop our high school valedictorian from pushing his GPA nearly a full point ahead of mine, so I didn’t worry about it.

However, many people are motivated by things other than data. I am married to one of them. Jenny accepts my interest in (obsession with?) data as a driving force for my ambitions. She cheers me on when I come home from a run and report a new personal record, even if the actual numbers are meaningless to her. But as she tries to get in better shape and lose weight, she wants a more concrete and external reward than just lower numbers on a scale. Leading up to our recent cruise, for example, she visualized a beautiful blue dress that she wanted to buy and wear for the formal night. After the cruise, the dress no longer provided motivation, and she lost a bit of enthusiasm. Now she is searching for a new reward to keep her motivated.

You can probably think of other examples of externally motivated people. In Rocky IV, motivated by revenge, Rocky posts a newspaper photo of Drago on his mirror. An honors student only reaches her full potential after her parents promise her a car if she becomes valedictorian. A manager promises himself a nice vacation once he gets the promotion. A ballerina practices hours every day hoping to finally win her father’s approval.

Are you more internally or externally motivated? Do you compete more against yourself or others? Are you more focused on pleasing yourself or others? Does data, money, acclaim, revenge, love, or another factor fill your sails best? I want to hear your thoughts.

Introverts, Retreat!

Posted on October 7, 2010 by Andy

I found a great article, part truth and part humor, in The Atlantic called Caring for Your Introvert. It was refreshing to find someone who could eloquently describe me. Since I know many of you are introverts as well, I think you’ll enjoy the article.

Introversion is often considered synonymous with shyness, but it’s really more about the effect other people have on you. Think of your energy level, both physical and emotional, as a battery. An introvert recharges by spending time alone and gets drained by spending time with other people. An extrovert recharges around other people and gets drained when alone. Shyness, on the other hand, is more about how confident or self-conscious you feel when interacting with other people, especially ones you don’t know well.

I am both very introverted and fairly shy. That’s part of the reason I love working the midnight shift at work. I can keep to myself, do nearly all of my work independently, spend very little time on the phone, and have plenty of time to recharge even though I’m not technically alone. When I have a night off with no plans, when some people would call up some friends and want to go hang out, I typically want to spend some time with Jenny and then simply be alone for a while to watch a movie, read, or blog. In a group, I would much rather listen than speak, to absorb and think about your ideas rather than simply spouting off my own half-baked ones. I keep my internal filter on HIGH. Speaking up to a group requires significant energy and risk, which is why I rarely do it unless necessary.

But Andy, you might be thinking, you intentionally hang out with people all the time – at church, after church, in your small group, having friends over for dinner, and organizing events. What are you talking about?

I like people, but only want to be with them in small doses, and I need time alone afterward to recharge. As mentioned in the Atlantic article, I am interested in what’s going on in your life, but I want the real stuff, not hours of small talk about issues that neither one of us really cares about. What are your plans? What are you worried or excited about right now? How are you doing?

Introversion still seems to be viewed as a liability rather than an asset by our society. Sometimes I feel that way myself. I am grateful that our closest friends and family understand and accept my introversion, and some of them share it as well.

So please don’t be offended if I don’t want to spend hours on the phone with you or run around with you every weekend. It’s not that I don’t like you, because I do. It’s that I only have so much in the tank, and it takes a while to refill.