{"id":7348,"date":"2012-02-10T04:03:32","date_gmt":"2012-02-10T10:03:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/?p=7348"},"modified":"2012-02-10T04:05:20","modified_gmt":"2012-02-10T10:05:20","slug":"men-in-tights","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/?p=7348","title":{"rendered":"Men in Tights"},"content":{"rendered":"

Spandex is a privilege, not a right. \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Life Time Fitness poster<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sexy and I know it. \u00e2\u20ac\u201c LMFAO<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re men, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re men in tights \/
\nWe roam around the forest looking for fights \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Mel Brooks, Robin Hood: Men in Tights<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This week I bought my first pair of compression pants. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m calling them \u00e2\u20ac\u0153compression pants\u00e2\u20ac\u009d because their more traditional name, spandex tights, just doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sound like something a grown man is supposed to wear.<\/p>\n

Why am I buying such a weird garment? For a perfectly masculine reason: to boost my athletic performance. Since I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m running and riding quite a bit this winter, I initially bought some dri-fit athletic pants that fit pretty loosely. They work well for running, but they tend to get caught in the chain when I ride. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a bit of a problem. So I tried tucking the ends into my socks. It works OK, but\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6yeah. To avoid looking like a dork, I needed some cold-weather tight tights that can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get caught in the chain. <\/p>\n

Shut up. I can hear you. <\/p>\n

So I tried on some compression pants at Target. (hint: they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re $23 at Target vs. $80-100 at a speciality shop) Black ones. And they were definitely tight, so tight that I had to work to get into them like a middle-aged guy trying to squeeze into his wedding tux. They felt like super thick panty hose. (Um\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ask.) So I huffed and I puffed, and I tugged and I tugged, and finally they were on. I felt very official, almost like a real athlete. <\/p>\n

They were surprisingly comfortable. Is that bad? <\/p>\n

I was hoping they would make my legs look ripped. I work hard on my legs, and to be honest, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a bit vain about them. However, the compression aspect of compression pants actually compresses things, including my leg muscles, which now looked like skinny black chicken legs. I run 15-20 miles a week for this? Hmm. Well, at least they felt good. Plus Runner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s World says they also help one\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s muscles recover more quickly during and after a long workout by squeezing out lactic acid, blah blah. <\/p>\n

My other concern was\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6um\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6modesty. My regular readers might be surprised to hear me speak of modesty, but I think it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s safe to assume that the general population doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really want to know the intimate details of my manly areas. (you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re welcome!) But guess what? Compression pants can compress other body parts besides muscles. BLAM! <\/p>\n

Hmm. Maybe that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not something to get too excited about. <\/p>\n

Anyway, I hope to try them out during my long run tomorrow. The forecast high is 47 degrees. I need to log 10 miles. 10 very cold, very compressed miles. I wonder if guys in spandex are more or less likely to get a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Run, Forrest, run!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d from passing cars. Will advise. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Spandex is a privilege, not a right. \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Life Time Fitness poster I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sexy and I know it. \u00e2\u20ac\u201c LMFAO We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re men, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re men in tights \/ We roam around the forest looking for fights \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Mel Brooks, Robin Hood: … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,38],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7348"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7348"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7348\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7350,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7348\/revisions\/7350"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7348"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7348"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7348"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}