{"id":1647,"date":"2009-08-28T21:28:08","date_gmt":"2009-08-29T02:28:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/?p=1647"},"modified":"2009-08-28T21:28:08","modified_gmt":"2009-08-29T02:28:08","slug":"10-things-we-never-dreamed-wed-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/?p=1647","title":{"rendered":"10 Things We Never Dreamed We’d Say…"},"content":{"rendered":"

…before we had a baby:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Please don’t fart on me.<\/li>\n
  2. Don’t step on Daddy’s crotch.<\/li>\n
  3. Don’t put your pacifier on your penis.<\/li>\n
  4. Stab it! Stab it! YAY!!!<\/li>\n
  5. I just don’t want to go out on Date Night covered in boogers.<\/li>\n
  6. Why are you holding on to the cat’s leg?<\/li>\n
  7. No, that bone is not for you to chew on. Chew on this.<\/li>\n
  8. The toilet is not a drum.<\/li>\n
  9. Mommy can’t breathe if you’re on her throat.<\/li>\n
  10. The doggie doesn’t want to eat the giraffe.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    …before we had a baby: Please don’t fart on me. Don’t step on Daddy’s crotch. Don’t put your pacifier on your penis. Stab it! Stab it! YAY!!! I just don’t want to go out on Date Night covered in boogers. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,23],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1647"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1647"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1647\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1647"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1647"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.andybox.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1647"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}